April Kelley in Afghanistan

Michigan stalker-ID Thief April Kelley has donned a burka and hopped a military transport plane to Afghanistan where she now believes her missing secret insurance agent software is being used to help Osama Bin Laden's terror network.

Even though bits of her software were already found in alien technology used on James Files, she thinks some of it may have been given to the Taliban by the Chinese and she's determined to get it back at all costs.

Mrs. Kelley was last seen traipsing through the Afghan mountains, carrying an Uzi and screaming "I'll get you Osama, and your little virgin whores too.  No one puts April in a corner."  

Her husband, Edward F. Kelley, explained that April's been a little confused ever since she set up shop with JFK assassination conspiracist Wim Dankbaar, but once she's back on American soil, she'll be back to baking cookies in no time!